RACCOON BBQ

I suggest that you take a quick bathroom break before you read this hilarious comedy.
You will be laughing so much, you may have an accident.

I have never seen an elephant, a tiger or a lion in my life.

In fact, that is not true; I have seen them in the movies and documentaries.

On the other hand, people who live in areas with these animals have never seen a raccoon.

The raccoon is a small animal with grayish black fur, black patches around the eyes, and a long bushy ringed tail, which many consider to be a pest.

One day when you have a story to tell me about your elephant, tiger or lion, send it to me.

Today, I will talk about the raccoon since I know a little bit about them.

You may have seen them in some areas in the city, or outside on the grounds of apartment buildings.

They gather around in small families, maybe 3 or 4 of them, and should you not bother them, you may walk into your building without being attacked by them.

The reason is that the lady at the end apartment on the ground floor feeds them. At least that is what the rumour is.

However, should a raccoon live in an area far away, for example, in the wild, the situation is completely different.

In this instance, there may be an element of danger.

PHOTO OF Raccoon have very sharp nails.

 Raccoons can never really become a house pet.

In the area surrounding the factory, there appears to be some Raccoon families because in the last little while, I have seen some of them walking past.

I do not bother them, so they do not bother me since most of the time I am driving by.

Until, one morning at 3:00 a.m. when security called me and informed me that there was no electrical power in the building.

There were many stars in sky and there was no thunderstorm to damage the transformer.

I asked the security if any of the trucks had backed into an electrical pole, to which he responded that no such thing occurred.

I then informed him that I would be at the premises right away.

Upon further investigation with my flashlight, I realized that the top of the transformer had been cracked and broken.

Obviously, I could not go into the transformer area.

Firstly, because the area contains 46,000 volts, and secondly, there is a lock on the gate and only the Hydro people possess the key.

However, there was a raccoon in there that did not pay any attention to the Do Not Enter sign and the 46000 volts; neither did it need a key to open the gate, since he intended to climb the fence anyway.

Additionally, there was a dead raccoon on the ground.

The Hydro Department number was called. An answering machine clicked in stating that should there be an emergency the offices would be open at 9:00 a.m.

It was useless to keep calling again and again, since the response would be same.

My workers started arriving at 4:00 a.m., 5:00 a.m., and 6:00 a.m., according to their schedules, only to wonder what happened.
Why was there no power? Were the Hydro people called?
A brief explanation was given.

At 9:00 a.m., the official telephone call to Hydro was made.

The man in charge requested an explanation.

We informed him that it appears that a fuse may be blown.

He then asked if we had called the High Voltage guys.

I told him when you tell me what time the Hydro people coming, I will call the High Voltage guys too.

During this time a portable power generator was utilized for the computers to operate.

Do not forget that the High Voltage people charge $500 an hour and the funny part is that they arrive in pairs.

I do not want them waiting around for the Hydro people.

Finally, at around 10:30 a.m., everyone arrived.

The Hydro people shut off the power to the building for the High Voltage

Niki monitors the events since her father was a hydro man for 40 years.

The high voltage men opened the gate only to realize how bright the teeth of the raccoon on top of the transformer were.

He came out with smelly pants and he said, Holy Sheeet, there is a raccoon in there.

One man asked the other if he could get it out with a piece of stick.

He did try but he made the situation worse.
Not only did the raccoon show his bright, sharp teeth, he displayed his big, long nails.

The raccoon grabbed the wooden stick with his mouth and hands and attempted to defend himself by beating the high voltage men.

None of my workers volunteered to help remove the fierce looking raccoon.

The Hydro people suggested the Humane Society to be called.

The Humane Society took the phone call with the option of calling back to inform of the time of their arrival.

Well, they returned the call and suggested a removal appointment for 3 days from this day.

Someone suggested using a gun from the roof.

I said that is not an option since I am an animal lover.

I asked one of the maintenance men to go to Canadian Tire and purchase a 300 ft water hose with a spray gun.

We connecteded it to the water pipe and attempted to force the raccoon out of the transformer area with water.

Thankfully, the job was complete.

Everyone started clapping and were relieved to see the soaking wet raccoon run away.

In the meantime, the High Voltage men cost $500 per hour, each.

My workers average $1,500 per hour and the clock is ticking away.

The High Voltage and the Hydro people continued with their responsibility for few more hours.

The total cost for this incident was approximately $15,000.

What a costly event that was!

I was in my office with my cat thinking how I would cope with the situation should it occur again.

I believe me and Mangas we found a solution.

My secretary took this photo on impluse, stating,
Sir, you guys have matching outfits and whiskers today!

I instructed my maintenance man to purchase a trap.

He went to the store and asked for a trap.

Of course, sales personnel asked if he needed a mousetrap to which he responded, no, a raccoon trap.

He was sent to a special store where he purchased one for $300.

Could you imagine if we were in another country and needed a trap for an elephant?
How much would that cost?

We were lucky!

The trap was set up in front of the transformer area.

Now, we needed bait.

Checking out Wikipedia the recommendation was anything, since raccoons eat anything, including human bums, if you bother them.

Rice and beans were not recommended as an option.

A can of Mr. Goudas sardines may be good for bait.

You may see Sarah Dragon in the picture with a million dollar smile.

She is my assistant for this website and the flyermall.com .
She is from the Philippines and she has never fed a raccoon before.
Wondered whether the raccoon preferred the sardines mild or hot.

Sarah Dragon is also a volunteer in my efforts in conjunction with, Belle Ganzon.

Miss Belle Ganzon , from the Filipino Seven Day Adventist Church in feeding the underprivileged and homeless people in the Community.

Not long after, in a couple days, we have a raccoon as a prisoner.

I recognize this raccoon because he had the same eye patches, the same nails, the same teeth as its great, great, grandfather.

Me and him we were looking for food in garbage containers in the Toronto City Hall area.

This was during my arrival in Canada in 1967, with no money, no food, no friends, no English, and sleeping on the streets.

You may read my biography, titled, The Immigrant.

One of the employees asked, "Mr. Goudas what are we to do with the raccoon.
Should we let it go?"

I responded, "are you crazy?
Once we let it go he would be back tomorrow expecting a veal cutlet sandwich with a lettuce salad on the side."

"Or maybe, some Sushi assortiments."

I found out that raccoons love Finetti Chocolate Sticks.

I had to check the label for an expiry date since I did not want my raccoon to have diarrhea.

PHOTO OF RACCOON AND FINETTI CHOCOLATE STICKS

Additionally, I found out that they are very suspicious of humans.

They try to attack in spite of you trying to feed them.

PHOTO OF RACCOON AND FINETTI CHOCOLATE STICKS 

As I mentioned above, I am an animal lover. 

You may read the evidence of this in some of by books, for example:
My Pets, Koukla, Irma, Tiger, articles about Mon Amour, my Siamese cat, and the book, Canada Geese, describing my adventure with this Canadian Treasure.

Therefore, my only solution was to find the right driver who was not afraid of the raccoon and to take it away to North Kitchener Waterloo area.

The same scenario occurred in another few weeks.
This time the raccoon was taken to the St. Catherines near Niagara area.

The next one went to East Kingston Ontario. And so on, and so on!

As stated, I had to find the right driver, resulting in the raccoon spending a day or two with me.

I used the water hose to provide them with water daily.

My driver placed some Finetti sticks a short distance away to avoid attack.
He then opened the gate and the raccoons followed the sticks and escaped.

What a story.

The option of having BBQ Raccoon never entered my mind.

If you do have a recipe for bbq raccoon, please do not submit it.

In my experience with the raccoons in captivity and in feeding them, I discovered that in the initial stages, they will attack.
But shortly after becoming accustomed to you, they will accept food from your fingers.

I discovered that they love Mr. Goudas Sardines.
They love the flat cans since it was easier to eat out of the can and to lick the tomato sauce. Good to the last drop.

They absolutely adore Mr. Goudas Vienna Sausages as a snack.

It finished the viennas one sausage at a time.

Some bread for breakfast with Mr goudas Extra Virgin Olive Oil, that comes from Crete island in Greece.

As you can see the Raccoon loves Mr Goudas Exra Virgin olive oil.

You can see, he enjoys the centre part of the bread where the olive oil was poured upon.

I paused for a second and thought, maybe someone on Crete island, where the best Mr Goudas Olive Oil in the world is produced, had the same issue with a raccoon around his transformer.

He, probably had the same thought, and put his raccoon in a cage and sent it to Canada, only to release it in the Concord, Ontario area, near my factory.

Otherwise, there is no explanation, how does the raccoon know to enjoy the best Olive Oil in the world?

The raccoon also loves Mr. Goudas 7 Flowers honey.

Initially, when I offered the raccoon a spoon of honey, he was very suspicious.

Would you believe, when I showed him the bottle of Mr Goudas Honey, he seemed to recognize the brand and immediately started to lick it off the spoon.

I had a few raccoons sent to different areas occasionally.

However, it seems like I end up in trouble, when I sent one of them in the French speaking area of Montreal, Quebec.

When my driver came back from Quebec, I asked him if the mission was accomplished.
He mentioned to me that the job is done, but, "He think that I have committed a criminal offense." I asked him, "Why?"
He responded, "Imagine Mr. Goudas, you sent an English speaking raccoon, to a French speaking territory. So how will the raccoon order food?"

I hope you enjoyed my raccoon story.

On second thought, I am starting to believe, now that I know their behaviour and habits a little better, raccoons can really be a house pet, with a little training and patience.

As I mentioned above, don't send me any recipe, because I will never publish it.

Within my story, I was able to talk for the, Sardines, Extra Virgin Olive Oil, Vienna Sausages, and Honey.

How do you like that?

In the end, I hope that you liked this comedic article.

Do not blame me if you suddenly discover a family of raccoons in your backyard.

Should you encounter this problem, I suggest you run to the store as fast as you can and pick up the above mentioned items under the Mr. Goudas label.

Spyros Peter Goudas
Σπύρος Πήτερ Γούδας

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