If you check out the search engines on the internet and look up the word Watermelon you will find that there are over 1,200 varieties.
Watermelons vary in size, up to an incredible 262 lbs, according to Wikipedia. Wooow!
We are not sure what to do with this.
A lot of watermelon, to feed a whole village, I suppose!
Such information is good to know.
Watermelon lovers know that a delicious slice is a very refreshing thing on a hot, long, humid day in the summer.
Finally, you purchase one.
Of course, you choose a good looking one, with no skin defects, no bruises, you knock it a few times with your knuckles. Why? You do not know, but that is what you are supposed to do, then start beating the mierda out of it.
If you do not know what the word 'mierda' means, read my book titled Latino Masa Creations, where the Mexicans beat the mierda out of me.
You then hold it in both your hands and place it next to your ears hoping to hear something. Instead, you hear someone approaching you, claiming to be an authority in watermelon choosing, who gives you the approving signal.
At that moment, you feel comfortable with your purchase.
You transport it to the cash register, pay $1.99, $2.99, $3.99, or whatever.
Even the cashier compliments you on looking at the watermelon.
She further added that the manager was not there to complement you as well because earlier on someone for no apparent reason had given him a black eye.
I did not suspect anything because there are crazy people everywhere.
You take it to the car, break your arms and back carrying it home, all the while fantasizing and dreaming that it is red, sweet, juicy and delicious as per this photo.
The moment has arrived to cut your watermelon.
You get a large knife and try cutting it into two pieces (halves) only to realize that the skin is 2 inches thick and you really need a hand saw.
Whoa! It is as hard as a rock, pale in colour and no sweetness whatsoever.
What a shock! What a surprise!
You feel like you are having a mild heart attack or a CONNIPTION!
If you don't know what a conniption is, read another one of my books titled, Miracles Still Do Happen. I experienced one of them when, after the doctor examining me, told me that I had floaters in my eyes.
With great disappointment, I now have to look into your computer search engine or the Flyermall Recipe Section for that Chinese method of stir frying, stewing or pickling.
What the heck. This is not what I intended for my Watermelon!
I did not want this Chin Wang Wu Barbeque Style.
I just wanted some refreshment, to enjoy a big, juicy, red slice and see how far I can spit the seeds. Just one of the simple pleasures I want in my life.
As my temper began to flare, I remembered the film, 'Network', starring Peter Finch.
And, just like in the movie, I began to shout like him
'I AM MAD AS HELL AND NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANY MORE'!
Why, why, Mr. Storekeeper did you sell me this Watermelon knowing that I will have this problem?
You placed a nice, lovely sign in your flyer with a picture of the most beautiful watermelon at a SUPER, DUPER, SPECIAL PRICE to entice me and I ended up with these issues.
I am bringing this Watermelon back to you.
I want my money back, and compensation for pain and suffering from carrying it back and forth.
I am going to smash this Watermelon right over your head without any conscience like a wrestler in a Monday night rumble! Or, I will give you another black eye like that other customer, and if you think I am joking about this, you will be very much surprised.
Therefore, Mr. Storekeeper, if the Watermelon is for cooking advertise it as such or otherwise, I will not enter your store anymore.
AND THAT IS THE BOTTOM LINE.
Let me cool my temper down. Let me come to my senses and to tell you that once in a blue moon, you do find a nice Watermelon, like I once did.
You would not believe what happened!
By the time I went to the kitchen to get a fork to eat it with, like a nice human being, the two kids whom you see in the picture came over to my office.
THEY TOOK MY WATERMELON, WENT INTO THE COURTYARD AND HAD A WATERMELON EATING CONTEST. AND, CAN YOU IMAGANE, WITHOUT FORK!
In addition, I was unable to charge them for criminal activity, because they were underage and all the evidence disappeared.
Did I make you laugh?
What did you expect to read when you click this WATERMELON link?
Spyros Peter Goudas.
Eleni Sokos helped Analyn Sarmiento to complete and serve the dinner.
Before leaving, Eleni Sokos suggested that she could translate some of my books and or articles into the Greek language.
As time passed, her parents Nikos and Amalia relocated to the Ottawa area.
In her spare time, Eleni and her brother Grigoris Sokos translated my Mango Tree book in Greek (which is a very complicated matter).
As well as this comedy article, The Watermelon Story in Greek.
IN PHOTO Eleni Sokos
IN PHOTO Grigoris Sokos
ELENI SOKOS SPYROS PETER GOUDAS AND KOUKLA